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AHA Community > Health & Wellbeing  > “I can’t” means “I don’t want to” – 5 ways to take ownership over your life

“I can’t” means “I don’t want to” – 5 ways to take ownership over your life

…says my grandma, which I seem to quote quite a lot.

I if were to limit all my messages to the world to only one, it would be this one: you can do anything, you have unlimited power over your life and yourself and when you take ownership over this, you become unstoppable.

As son as you take responsibility over what happens to you, you realize that it’s within your power to change the status-quo if you wish, you can change yourself the way you desire… and that’s where the magic happens: once you change, everything around you changes with you, for better or for worse, you choose.

Take your time and integrate this information: how does this new super-power feel? Does it scare youa little? Does it give you wings? To me this is the best news in the whole world. Why? Because I understand it’s not hazard, destiny or chance (I know these are partial synonyms) that determine out lives, but that you and I also have the power to create. What I attract in my life is what resonates with me and represents exactly what I need for me to learn some lessons. I can change what I attract, influence what I resonate with and learn what I need to learn.

 

Let’ look at this more closely.

1. The blame game

May it be your mom, dad, grandma, boos, partner, kids, society, genes, fate, God or the Universe, all seem to be guilty that you aren’t physically active enough, that you don’t have results at work, that you don’t have enough money, that you gained weight, that you can’t give up a vice, hat hings don’t go well, etc.

You have the power to change anything in your context, maybe not from today to tomorrow, but medium to long term you do: you can find another job, you can acquire a new skill to change careers, you can move to a new city, you can invest in a new relationship, you can decide to sign-up for fitness, yoga (yeah!) or dance classes, you can eliminate sweets from your shopping cart, etc.

All the above are within your power to change. That being said, I’m asking you, looking straight into your eyes (although you can’t see me):

  • What creates discontent for you right now? (e.g.: my job)
  • What are 3 things you can do to change this? (start searching the internet, going to job fairs, asking my friends)

It’s a simplistic example, but it ca be universally applied.

 

2. There is no time, there are only priorities

This is really powerful! I hear too many times “I don’t have time”! This is the most popular excuse. You do, you have just as much time as everybody else, but you choose to allocate it to other things.

‘Diana, you don’t understand I have kids!’

‘OK, then find someone to take care of them while you do the things that are important to you.’

‘My parents are not in town, and I don’t have money for a baby-sitter.’

‘Then talk to a friend and take care of your kids alternatively, so each of you has some down-time once a week.’

‘I don’t have friends, I just moved to this city.’

‘Then go to the park and meet others moms. There are so many moms who have the same problems and would be happy to get some help.’

The possibilities are unlimited. Use your creativity and brainstorm.

On the other hand, it is incredible how much time we actually WASTE: on our phone, doing unimportant things that can wait, spending too much time in front of the TV, failing to do things more efficiently, e.g. preparing meals for several days on Sundays, when you’re already in the kitchen and the stove is on.

From now on, instead of “I don’t have time”, say “it’s not a priority”… you’ll see how your perspective changes.

Find 3 ways in which you can win an extra 15 minutes per day. 3 times 15 minutes is 45 minutes! OMG, how many things can actually be done in 45 minuteees spent well and with purpose.

As I was saying: maybe not short term, but medium to long term, everything has a solution, use your creativity and find the time!

 

3. Victim mentality or failing to take ownership

‘I have no luck in life’ – life will validate your beliefs. Instead say: ‘I am lucky’. Maybe you won’t believe yourself from the start, but you will believe more and more and your reality will validate your new belief.

‘What could I have done? I was forced by the circumstances to drink’ – hahahaaa, sorry I had to laugh! Try giving up the impersonal way of expressing yourself, say instead ‘I chose to drink’, because honestly, no one poured tequila shots down your throat (but you).

‘Why is this happening to me?’ – it’s not only happening to you, it’s hard for all of us, but the difference is how we answer to what is happening to us. Our reaction is our choice. What do you choose to be your reaction? You can start crying in agony or you can take action in the direction you want. So what do you choose? To whine or to be a tiger?

‘This always happens to me’ – well, try a different approach, you cannot expect a different result, if you do things the same way. What do you need to learn out of this?

You know, if you take more ownership, you will steer your life in the direction you want. Take responsibility and take action. You will see how everything around you will support you, because you already took a step in one direction, you own your power.

 

4. Environment + Reaction = Outcome (by Jack Canfield)

OK, you can’t change the weather, but if it rains when you were planning to grill, then go to a restaurant with your friends.

Agreed, you’re not a good dancer, but instead of crying your eyes out, you can take a course and make it the topic of great laughter with your friends.

Look at the people with no limbs, who participate at the Olympics and hold speeches to motivate people to take their lives in their ‘own hands’ and accomplish great things.

Responsibility = response + ability, meaning the ability to respond. You get the point.

Choose to react in every situation so you obtain a result that brings joy to your heart. No one has the power over how you choose to react to what happens in your life.

 

5. The “need” will teach you how

This too is from my grandma. Grandma is wise to the moon and back. The wonderful message is that you can do ANYTHING if you put your mind to it.

Think a little at a situation from the past when you felt overwhelmed, but you HAD to find a solution. You DID! I believe with all my heart that there is no question without answer, neither problem without solution.

 

“If you did all what we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves” (Thomas A. Edison)

 

In Hinduism, Trinity is formed out of Brahma – the Creator, Vishnu – the Preserver and Shiva – the Destroyer. Just like this Trinity, you have all these capabilities within you. Destroy what doesn’t help you, strengthen what serves, create what your heart desires.

 

You can do anything. ANYTHING! You are a super-hero!

 

Diana Firican

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