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AHA Community > Connection & Relationships  > How much do you love yourself? 6 signs that not enough (Part 1)

How much do you love yourself? 6 signs that not enough (Part 1)

How much do you love yourself on a scale from 1 to 10?

… Me, some time ago: “Maybe 4.5-5?”. I don’t want to make assumption about you, but myself, going through the test below, I notice that I still need to work on this. The good news is that ow I work with a different “vibe”, i.e. I know now that this is good for me, thus for the Universe, as well (the article “self-love smells like lavender and ylang-ylang” with enlighten you).

Now be honest: How much do you love yourself? Look in the mirror, straight into your eyes and through them deeply into your soul and answer the question.

How much were you able to sustain your own inquisitive look? Was it easy or rather pretty hard…? And above all, how did you look at yourself: with acceptance, understanding, compassion and love or disapproving, critical and judgemental?

No need to answer me or anyone else, this is for you.

That being said, let’s see which of the below you check.


  1. You ask for approval or permission

“Can I …?” “Is it OK if I…?”

It is very noble and important to take other people’s opinion, needs and wishes into consideration when acting or deciding in one way or another, but make sure that this doesn’t become your only criteria. Be confident that a decision made from a place of positive energy, is a decision that benefits both you and the people around you. Just imagine, how would it be if you would take action without needing permission and make decisions without feeling the need for approval? What a relief, isn’t it?

And… it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

Ask yourself: Is this step FOR me or IN SPITE of me?


  1. You are afraid not to disappoint, upset or face resistance

“What if X will say…?“

We do not live in isolation, we are part of families, groups, teams, society, and naturally we seek connection, inclusion, acceptance, harmony, As a woman in particular, you risked being excluded from the tribe if you did something wrong, which equaled death. Subconsciously we know that we are stronger in groups than alone, agreed.

But how realistic is this fear? I bet it’s just our imagination most of the time and does nothing but block our actions, evolution, life… trust your judgement, your intention and your goal. The rest will follow.

No pain, no gain.

Ask yourself: What would I do if I weren’t afraid of other people’s reaction?


  1. You compare yourself

Auch! I failed this subject! “Y is better than me, I’m no good…”

There is always going to be someone more successful than you in every area of your life. Yes, you can learn from the ones that have something you don’t and would like to, asking yourself: “What did they do right and I can replicate?”. But remember: we all have our own journeys, timing and lessons to learn. You know best what is best for you. Use the information around as learning opportunities, not as prescriptions and always: listen to your internal GPS.

The comparison to others is a synonym for suffering. The only thing that really matters is that the “you from today” is an upgraded version of the “you from yesterday”. This will also increase your dopamine levels, i.e. one of your happiness hormones, obtained when you reach your goals.

Ask yourself: What is the next step towards the best version of myself?


Well? Which ones of the above resonate with you? AND more important: what is your next step?

I have another 3 even more provoking signs, find them here.

Diana Firican

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